Mga Liham kay Manay Letty

I didn't write this one, a friend of mine send me this e-mail and thought it was hilarious. I decided to post this thing up to lighten this blogsite. Thanks Vanj! Dear Manay Letty, May ihihingi akong payo sa iyo kaya sana mabigyan mo ako ng magandang sagot sa problema ko. Simple lang naman eh. Naguguluhan lang kasi ako. Ang fish ball ba ay bayag ng isda? O sige hanggang sa muli! Doc Trina ******************** Dear Doc Trina, Napaghahalata sa tanong mo na isa kang malaswang babae, at wala kang nasasa-isip kung hindi mga itlog ng lalake. Malamang isa kang pokpok. Gayun pa man ay sasagutin ko ang iyong katanungan, dahil mukhang tatanga-tanga ka talaga. Para sa iyong kaalaman, ang fish ball ay hindi bayag ng isda. Sana ay naliwanagan ka sa aking sagot, at aasahan ko ang iyong muling pagsulat. Para sa iyo, Doc Trina: Y.E.M.E.N. - Yugyugan Every Morning, Every Night. Nagmamahal forever, Manay Letty ******************** Dear Manay Letty, Isa akong 38-years old na babae, single at mayaman. Pagkatapos ng mahabang panahong tigang, may nanliligaw ulit sa akin ngayon, si Romy. Mukha naman siyang mabait pero hindi ko siya masyadong gusto dahil, uhm, pangit siya. Ngunit sa edad kong ito, nais ko na sanang makapag- asawa, at baka si Romy na ang last chance ko. Ano ang aking dapat gawin? Jogalyn ******************** Dear Jogalyn, Huwag ka nang mag-inarte at sigurado akong hindi ka naman kagandahan. Pangalan mo pa lang jologs na jologs na. Magpasalamat ka na lang at may gusto pang pumatol sa 'yo kahit guranggutan ka na. Anyway, hind mo dapat isipin na si Romy na ang last chance mo para lumagay sa tahimik, Jogalyn. Dahil hindi ka naman papakasalan nun, pera mo lang ang habol niya at iiwanan ka din balang-araw. Huwag ka nang mag-ilusyon na makapag-aasawa ka pa at dapat ngayon pa lang ay tanggapin mo na na tatanda kang dalaga habangbuhay. Sana ay napaligaya ka ng aking tugon sa iyong problema. Para sa iyo, Jogalyn: B.A.L.I.W.A.G. - Beauty And Love I Will Always Give. Nagmamahal forever, Manay Letty ******************** Dear Manay Letty, Isa akong gwapong chickboy at dalawa ang aking girlfriends. Minsan ay nagkasabay sila sa isang lugar di ko kasi alam. Tuloy inaaway nila ako ngayon at gusto ng makipag-break. Kaya nga kailangan ko ang iyong tulong. Edgar ******************** Dear Edgar, Walang kwenta ang liham mo kaya ayokong sagutin. Huwag ka ng susulat ulit dito at inaaksaya mo lang ang panahon ko. Leche ka. Edgar, dahil ang sabi mo ay gwapo ka, at mahilig si Manay Letty sa gwapo, ito ang para sa iyo: P.H.I.L.I.P.P.I.N.E.S. - Pumping Hot...I Love It! Please, Please...I Need Erotic Stimulation! Nagmamahal forever, Manay Letty ******************** Dear Manay Letty, Nais kong ikuwento sa inyo ang namagitan sa amin ng aking itay Isang gabi. Hindi ko kayang makalimutan kahit anong bahagi ng gabing iyon. Malakas ang ulan noon. Katatapos ko pa lamang maligo at nakatapis pa lamang ako sa loob ng aking kuwarto. Narinig ko si Itay na kumakatok sa aking pinto. Nang sagutin ko Ang pinto ay sinabi niya na kailangan daw naming magusap. Pinapasok ko naman po siya dahil ama ko po siya. Nagulat na lamang ako nang isarado at ikinandado niya ang pinto. Hinawakan ni Itay ang braso ko. Napasigaw ako, sabi ko "ITAY huwag, anak mo ako!". Ngunit hindi tumigil ang aking Itay. Ipinagpatuloy niya ang kanyang ginawa. Pumikit na lamang ako dahil sa ayaw kong makita ang mukha nang aking tatay sa kababuyan na kanyang ginagawa. Naririnig ko si Inay na binubulabog ang pinto. Sumisigaw na, "Hayop ka wag mong gawin yan sa anak mo!" Ngunit wala pa rin. Ipinaubaya ko na lamang ang sarili ko sa Diyos. Pagkalagpas ng ilang sandali ay natapos din ang aking Itay. Nang humarap ako sa salamin ay nagulat ako sa aking nakita. Magaling naman pala mag-make-up si Itay. Noong gabi na iyon ay nagladlad ng kapa si Itay. Natuwa ako at mahusay ang kanyang ginawa. Naisip ko na matutuwa ang aking boyfriend dahil sa ganda ko. Nagyakapan kami doon at nag-iyakan. Masaya na kami ngayon at walang problema. Lubos na gumagalang, Badong ******************** Dear Badong, Wala akong masabi sa liham mo kundi...PANALO!!! Para sa iyo, Badong: B.U.R.M.A. - Between Us, Remember Me Always. Nagmamahal forever, Manay Letty ******************** Dear Manay Letty, Mayroon akong anak na ubod ng landi. Mas makati pa sa higad ang hitad, wala nang pinatawad, pati mga magbabalut pinapatulan. Kung minsan nga'y nahuhuli ko pa sa may gulayan sa Aming bakuran, kasama ang mga tanim naming talong at upo. Hindi ko na alam ang gagawin sa haliparot kong anak, hiyang-hiya na ako sa ibang tao. Desperate ******************** Dear Desperate, Itay naman sabi nang huwag na kayong susulat dito eh! Malaki na ako, hayaan nyo na ako sa gusto ko sa buhay. Matipuno naman yung mga magbabalut sa atin, tsaka friends lang kami nun. Namatay na nga pala si Tiya Dely, hayun successful naman ang libing. Kamusta na si Inay? Utang na loob patigilin nyo na sa pag-aararo si Inay. Para sa iyo, Itay: P.E.R.U. - Phorget Everyone... Remember Us. At pakisabi kay Daniel, yung magtataho sa atin: P.A.R.A.N.A.Q.U.E. - Please Always Remain Adorable, Nice And Quiet Under Ecstacy. Nagmamahal forever, Manay Letty ******************** Bago ako magwakas, dear readers, may gusto akong i-share sa inyong lahat, isang kwentong mapupulutan nyo ng aral. Ilang taon na ang nakalilipas, noong bata't sariwa pa ako... (Manay Letty reminisces...) Several years ago... Manay Letty joins Reyna ng Bocaue beauty pageant. Manay Letty was then called Lettygirl. Host: How are you, Lettygirl? Lettygirl: How are you too! Host: Ok. So Lettygirl, here's your question: What do you think is your best feature? Lettygirl:(all smiles and poise na poise) Well I think that my best ficture is my graduation ficture! I thank you! Ayun awa ng Diyos talo si Manay Letty. ******************** Hanggang dito na lamang po sa linggong ito, because I'm tired and I'm pretty. Sana ay antabayan niyo ang mga susunod pang liham na aming ilalathala dito. Nawa'y magpatuloy ang inyong pagdulog at pagsulat sa...Dear Manay Letty. Ngunit bago ako magpaalam, nais ko sanang mag-iwan ng isang munting mensahe hindi lamang para sa lahat ng mga masugid na sumusubaybay sa Dear Manay Letty, kundi pati na din para sa aking sarili at sa aking One and Only, na itatago ko na lang sa pangalang Vanilla Milkshake. So, para sa inyo, dear readers: L.I.B.Y.A. - Love Is Beautiful; You Also. Para naman sa akin: P.A.S.A.Y. - Pretty And Sexy Are You. Heto pa isa: E.G.Y.P.T. - Everything's Great, You Pretty Thing! At para kay Vanilla Milkshake: I.M.U.S. - I Miss U, Sweetheart. Ito po ang inyong Manay Letty na nagpapaalam at nagsasabing... toodles! Ikaw ba ay nalulungkot, nababalisa, walang makausap? Humingi na ng payo kay Manay Letty!

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CONGRATS!!!

This is it, This is the official “Ang Panget Ko Month” of the Year. We just had a record for the hottest temperature record in the Pinas Wheather History. I’m like a nauupos na kandila, My skin is so pasty, that if you scrub it with another hand, black things are forming, I had a fear that they could mutate into a monster or something. So it is the summer, and I decided to clean my things up, my Tita (from which I live) expresses bewilderment of how I can find my things I was looking for easily, with that kind of mess. It was passable for a snake sanctuary. Armed with rags and basin of water, my combat against dirt and dusts started. I found my Nyoy Volante album ( I almost forgot I bought a copy), books, socks, dirty underwear that needed to be stitched and some ripped clothes. When done, I’d gone to a large box and started an archeological excavation. I saw my uncles’ and aunts’ old pictures from the 80’s, the dark era haunted by overly large paddings, wacky hairstyles, loop earrings, That’s Entertainment and TODAS. Most of the photographs I’ve found were blackmail materials. But then in their hands were a picture of my mine also from the eighties (I was a little tot then) where I was buck naked. So I let go of the idea of torturing them. I got caught with the things I found. I saw my old tin can container that was like a time capsule of my college years. I had my old notes, lessons from my stupid profs who duped us that they’ve geared us with enough knowledge we need in corporate battlefield. Minutes passed and I was surrounded by heaps of papers. Some were exams I flunked, and some were perfect scored. Reading them seemed to bring me back in old days. I just found myself smiling. I stumbled on a photo album that also came from that time. I opened and there lies photos of my college classmates. It’s very nostalgic seeing them again the way I can remember them in college. It was really very funny the way we looked three years ago. So much had changed. It was very drastic that we’re practically different persons now. The thought sadden instantly. I missed my college pals and the friendship we had. We seemed to have gotten tired of each other. The four years of being caged in the academy, taught me a lot. And those things really made me strong and tough enough to do things my way. I did not attend an ivory leagued school, my school is where most of the students doesn’t have that much working brain cells. I dealt with them but then even though short of humor, they were true people. I found really good set of friends here, friends that really last a lifetime. I laugh heartily with them and I can count on them. I’ve faced dead ends in school but then they were the ones who lend a hand, picked me up, and gave me a push. The countless debate over burger and fries, the performances we’re forced into, the arguments and badmouthings, and the affection will be kept as wealth forever. After four years of what seemed like forever, we graduated. Nobody cried except our magna and Jo. Back to the present. After my splendid cleaning and clearing mission, I didn’t throw the notes and papers I’ve found. It feels good to reminisce about our victories, abysmal works, depressions and laughter once in a while. They are reminders of the past that in some ways hold our sanity for us. That tin can, will be kept neat in my drawer. Pasts were not for torture, but for amazing memories, nostalgia and learning from. My task was done, I looked around and felt great. Everything’s neatly alright and in place. I felt like a new person. As I have arranged my things I’ve also positioned the sentiments the objects have in order. I felt like a new oiled engine ready to start. Pain is just around us waiting, but I know I can deal with it. And when the going gets tough, I could always retreat in my own world, shut everyone out and return to the home of happy memories. From there I could pick my pieces up and fix it together to emerge as strong as before. I flipped the last page of my photo album, there was a picture of my mom and I, all smiles because I miraculously finished tertiary education. I thought, these are the things I’ll never throw away.

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A Prayer

Dear God, First of all, I am pleading you to bless me indeed. Allow me to find the person I really am. Guide me to the path leading to that special place that you reserved for me. Lift me up when I fall and clean me up of the grime the world has foisted on me. Give me a push when I have no strength at all, to continue following my star. God, at long last the world and I met, and like a breath on a mirror, it blurred my reflection. There are lots of things that made me unhappy, being in a chaotic traffic, government’s inanity, officials’ insatiable greed, policemen’s big bellies etc. etc. I don’t want to enumerate everything for there are lots of it and too much negativity bothers me. Reality is just like a dream; nothing is what like it seems. I was looking for a perfect place, with perfect people, little realizing that I myself was imperfect. Now I know if I want revolution, I have to start within myself. Thank you for making me realize that. Before I couldn’t decipher the word “obey”, but it was just a matter of time and now I can grasp what it truly meant. Lord, I am asking you to please expand my horizon, hold my hand as I travel its vastness. I want to share others what you’ve given me. Be with me. I am also praying for you to bless all the people I love and those who love me. I thank you for giving them to me; they are to me, the meaning of life. Thank you for the plethora of blessings many of us has taken for granted. Thank you for the heat of the morning sun, the sound of the ocean waves, the panoramic blue skies, and most of all…the love that I feel. Thank you for the magic. I am sorry God, if I do and say things that doesn’t gratify you, I am inviting you to be inside my heart all the time to watch over the things I do. Spank me if needed be. With all that you’ve bestowed me, the words “thank you” were not enough for me to express my overwhelming gratitude. I am giving back all the praises and worship to you name. Amen

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Livin La Vida, Nyeta!

Mayo Uno, Dalawang Libo’t Lima, Araw ng mga Manggagawa, It’s official! Isa nga akong Abnormal May 1. It all happened on that fateful day of Labor Day. Very ironic really, and I even went to the office that day to attend to some of my work even if it is holiday. I was the only one there, and then suddenly battles arise inside my head…again. A skirmish whether to keep this corporate job of mine or not. Whether to be kept enslaved by the sordid walls of the office or fight the illusions of reality. At 12 noon of that day, I’ve came to my final decision, leave the job. Time really rewinds itself. This happened to me before with my previous jobs. I left those as in left without prior notice, without proper resignation, without posters and print ads for details, no nothing. Yes I know I am crazy. But choosing this alternative wasn’t that easy. Of course in the harsh world of reality the title “responsible” comes along with having a job, a stable job that is. And of course you have to mull over your family’s welfare. It is the name of the game. But then here I am, a certifiable bummer. Bakit ba? masama bang bitiwan ang bagay na ayaw na ayaw mo na? At I-pursue ang mga bagay na gusto mo talaga? Is there really a stable job? No there’s no such thing. For me trade world just uses tricks and smoke to create a false idea and belief for the suckers who are very eager to kiss their ass. And salary is the chief delusion of reality, yes we do get compensated but does it bring us to where we really want to be? (eh pamasahe lang uli yun next cut off eh) Digression: I’ve noticed how mentally weak most of those who work from 9-5. Maybe it’s an effect of drearily doing stupid things and for the advancement of someone else, not theirs. Can you imagine where can you go if you put your energy for the advancement of yourself? (This is gonna be a long explanation, for further info 'bout this, I recommend you to read Rich Dad Poor Dad by Robert Kiyosaki). Going back. Now that I chose to plunge into the bummers’ world yet again, I know the road ahead is going to be bumpy. And eventually everything will roll into a gigantic ball of trouble (especially when I dried up of money). Now I was branded as a rebel by a friend, but what can I do? I cannot find my real self doing office works. It leads me to nowhere-ness, and everything looked so desolate and meaningless. I cannot see clearly for everything’s a blur. I quit my job, but of course I know where I want to head for. I’ve done this I know for you is an unintelligent thing because of a simple reason that I am tired doing it. Sometimes the most complicated questions can be answered by a yes or a no. Our life’s purpose is in accordance to the gifts God has given us. I know I am way too special just to be trapped in a rat race. With what I’ve done, my family constantly threw me malevolent looks. I was lucky coz my mom’s on my side. She’s probably the most understanding mother there is. She doesn’t see me as a “gatasang baboy”. She believes I can make it in my own extraordinary way. I now have more freedom to do what I love to do. To stroll, think. To explore, to read. I know I will find more reasons to enjoy this new life, reasons that I know are far better than having a month’s payslip. The world is not all what it should be, but if we really want change, we are able to make it happen. There are a lot of things in this world that only needs our actions in order to alter into something more brilliant. Take it from that juice commercial, “Use your head!” Now before I ran out of money, I’ve got to find ways of creating cash. And this time I want it to be of my advantage. As much as I’d like to venture out into business, no capital’s available. I can wait but now I have to savor this short liberation. Job hunting again!!! Nah, maybe I’d just have to carry this cross quietly and faithfully.

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